I’m Scared

Not right now. But I was. When I was about 12 and my mom had to make the difficult decision to leave the country and move to Spain with my dad so that his sisters could help take care of him. He was sick with cancer and it was a 24/7 job to keep him alive. My mother was beyond depleted and could no longer do it alone. Of course my sister and I wouldn’t be left totally by ourselves. Our aunts from our mothers’ side planned to come in a rotation to look after us. And our mom would come home every month or two. 

But during a recent Kiloby Inquiries session with a colleague, I was able to touch into that 12 year old girl - absolutely frozen in fear with no way to express it and no one to listen. In opening to that fear I could see how it has completely ruled my life till now. The barrier to that frozen and understandable survival response started to thaw and I could feel how so many decisions and experiences in my life have been dictated by this underlying fear. Keeping me small. Keeping me hidden. Making me sick. 

Feeling fear. Allowing it to be felt in my wise body with my full presence of being. Experiencing it. Moving with it. Dancing with it. Hearing what it has to say. Listening. Truly listening. It is an amazing gift. 

Afterward, I felt light. I felt soft. That I am safe. I have been running from the very feeling of fear itself. But all it wants is for us to turn toward it. That’s all. That’s all that is asked. Something so simple and yet we can spend our whole lives attempting to get away from it, fix it, numb it, heal it, clear it, conquer it, meditate it away.

The Kiloby Inquiries are a set of skillful tools to help us navigate our inner world with compassion and greater clarity. By tapping into the space of awareness that we cultivate in meditation and then turning toward our thoughts, our beliefs, and our emotions (as opposed to away from) we find the beautiful touchstone of presence without the spiritual bypassing.  

I’d love to introduce you to this awareness-based somatic practice. It is for newcomers and for seasoned spiritual seekers alike. All are welcome. If you’re curious, I’m available for a free clarity call to talk about it and how this practice might support you.

We are learning together, friends. And I wish you so much peace and the knowing that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

With love,
Amaya